I’m Stuck Inside
I’m stuck inside –
Nothing to hide.
I’m stuck in a place everyone calls home
But my home is out side.
I’m stuck inside
Nothing to hide.
Nothing to do. Nowhere to go.
‘cause I’m stuck in a place everyone calls home
But my home’s outside.
There’s a door but no key so I’m stuck here alone
In a place everyone calls home.
But my home’s outside.
A story by Karen Crowson
Lost and Found
During the first few days of our imposed confinement it was so eerie to see my calendar screen pop up with a reminder for an event or appointment. One that I now could not attend. These reminders were a seemingly a cruel tease about something I no longer had the option TO do. Which infers nothing. A whole lot of nothing. Now, I’m an optimist. It just doesn’t seem reasonable to delete all of those regularly scheduled appointments and activities I’ve been going to for months, if not years. I’m confident that the quarantine-in-place atmosphere in which we now live won’t last forever. Removing all of those dates and times indicates defeat. And I refuse to accept defeat now, or at any time in the foreseeable future. But never-the-less, the day starts out with loss. My mission became how to turn that loss into something found.
It starts with the thankfulness. I’m thankful that I made the decision to retire this past October. That wasn’t in my original plan, but so much of my original plan went by the wayside months before, and I won’t bore you with the details. I rather eased into my new life, so gently that I didn’t even miss the once robust professional life I’d lived. My days took on a new structure of sorts in a gradual kind of way, eventually becoming very full and satisfying.
But then the shelter in place command was issued and as the respective calendar items signaled their start time, there was a bit of disappointment as each event now represented loss. However, the indomitable spirit of family, friends and clergy have all rallied about in their generosity, kindness and creativity. We’re making the best of things and getting the chance to really consider what is important, and what is not.
My Writing Group leader hosted our first Zoom session last week. My bimonthly Alzheimer’s Support Group and Grief Group meetings are going online starting next week. Next week,
My Life Group through church and my Women’s Bible Study will resume via Zoom. Tuesday morning walks with my neighbor by nature of proximity will have to give way to walks with my husband and dog instead J My mother who is 93, is in quarantine at her assisted living facility. But, they have set-up Skype meetings for us weekly, and we can stop by within regular hours for a “window” visit to her first-floor room. The quarterly wine parties (of which there have been two this month), have by necessity be cancelled. But the wine pickups up still occur and there is a sense of optimism from the proprietors of these establishments.
My son and his wife are both working from home, with 3 kids who are also home all day after the school closures. Since we’ve all been in contact with each other consistently (several times a week) prior to the quarantine, we are providing a break for their family by doing a day of home schooling and activities for the kids, with a family dinner afterwards.
This week I’ll start sewing masks for a charitable effort initiated by a friend of mine. I’d called her to see how she was holding up, and it appears not all that good. Depression has set in for her, and she was glad for the call and distraction. I’ve been calling many friends just to keep up those human connections, especially for those that I know live alone. And I’ve received calls from a number of people who were doing the same for me. She and I are scheduling a wine night with another mutual friend, using Zoom, where we will raise a glass, toast each other and have the same types of conversations we would have had in person.
It’s true. There is an incredible amount of loss in this tumultuous time in our lives. We can’t control the outcome. But we can control our reaction to it. There is much to be found if we’re willing to look for it. The amazing thing I’ve learned so far is this. Don’t be afraid of what you don’t know. Grab hold of what you can and make the best of it. We’re still early on in this journey. God’s really testing what we’re made of, and that’s one test I’m determined not to fail.